Respect?
I can't help but get teary when i think or do something that even remotely reminds me of what my mom did. Usually i get over things pretty fast, but this is different. She went through my stuff, read my journal, which was jammed PACKED full of secrets. All because she 'wanted her girl back.' If she thought she was far from 'getting me back' before? Just think about it now. I've lost all trust in her. I don't think our relationship will ever be the same. Even if she did only read the page that she says she did, that's completely out of line.
Today was better than yesterday, besides this morning. Never have i been so angry and sad at the same time. I'm embarrassed that my mom knows i drink, hook up with boys, and occasionally do drugs. I don't want to look at her. I don't want to hear her voice. Hell, i don't even want to read her damn text messages she sends me.
To top it all off, the boy that likes me, i don't feel the same about. Which is always a hard thing to go through. Especially if you like being friends with them. The way i see it, there's only two outcomes; One, i suck it up and go for a relationship. Force myself into it, and try to have a goodtime. Or Two, Tell him straight up it's not going to work out, and lose him as a friend. I honestly would choose number two, if i knew how to break it to him. Obviously i can't tell him my true feelings, which would be -YOU'RE A MORON. LEARN TO SPELL.- Because... well... Yeah.
I feel bad that some people go through things like their loved ones dying, and i sit here and bitch about these kinds of things. It's selfish if you ask me. I'm talking about never wanting to talk to my mom again, when some have lost theirs, and long to speak with them again. Messing with another person's feelings is never a good thing if you ask me. I'm not really sure how to end this... So i'll just give some advice: Never leave your journal/diary/notebook with all your terrible secrets just lying around. It'll never end up good.
Today was better than yesterday, besides this morning. Never have i been so angry and sad at the same time. I'm embarrassed that my mom knows i drink, hook up with boys, and occasionally do drugs. I don't want to look at her. I don't want to hear her voice. Hell, i don't even want to read her damn text messages she sends me.
To top it all off, the boy that likes me, i don't feel the same about. Which is always a hard thing to go through. Especially if you like being friends with them. The way i see it, there's only two outcomes; One, i suck it up and go for a relationship. Force myself into it, and try to have a goodtime. Or Two, Tell him straight up it's not going to work out, and lose him as a friend. I honestly would choose number two, if i knew how to break it to him. Obviously i can't tell him my true feelings, which would be -YOU'RE A MORON. LEARN TO SPELL.- Because... well... Yeah.
I feel bad that some people go through things like their loved ones dying, and i sit here and bitch about these kinds of things. It's selfish if you ask me. I'm talking about never wanting to talk to my mom again, when some have lost theirs, and long to speak with them again. Messing with another person's feelings is never a good thing if you ask me. I'm not really sure how to end this... So i'll just give some advice: Never leave your journal/diary/notebook with all your terrible secrets just lying around. It'll never end up good.
posted by Patti @ 9:58 PM
2 Comments:
At 10:17 PM,
Jackson Wood said…
I'm Andy's friend. You met me once or twice. I tend to float around the internet at times and give random bits of knowledge. You're todays lotto winner even if you didn't buy a ticket.
The mom thing. Totally out of line but that's what parents do. They step out of line all the time with us kids. I don't know the whole situation so bullshit to that.
As for the boy thing. Tell him straight. The universe has this wacky way of making everything right in the end. If you're honest and clear with him, you probably won't lose him as a friend. We're all on these constant spirals inwards and outwards from one another and with one event we're flung further out but we always come back. Hopefully I gave some bit of clarity without making you mad as, well, you and I don't really know each other and I don't want to step outta line.
At 3:52 PM,
Andy said…
word. ha jackson commented your blog. thats tight. he is cool. anyways...good blog patti. i am sorry about all of that. your mom definitely shouldnt have done that. and about that boy. i agree with jackson. i think he wont want to loose you as a friend if you told him you didnt like him like that. and just about that last bit...i definitely know what you mean. i think about the same things sometimes. and i dont think you are wrong in blogging so. its good to talk about stuff and not keep it in and let other people talk to you about it. and i mean ya there are people whose moms have died, but your situation is still sucky too. maybe not as much but i think it has just as much right to be addressed. thats what i think i guess. word. talk to you later. i hear wings thursday night. i am excited
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